Senseless Love...
2 Comments Published by Lost. Found. Lost Again on Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 7:52 PM.
Seated on the park bench, he sighed as he watched her pass by... She gave him a passing glance as she briskly walked past, a small smile of recognition starting at the corner of her lips, but she turned her head back and kept talking on the phone… He almost picked up the courage to walk alongside her to chat with her, but the rush ebbed as soon as she turned her face. He cursed the person on the other side of the line, wishing he was talking to her instead.
He smiled a sad smile and let out a deep sigh while stretching out as hard as he could, hoping the effort would get rid of the heaviness in his heart. It was a futile effort.
He had loved her for close to five years to date. It was a hard fought five years, and he had had no luck in life professionally and in love, just scars of battles he could have avoided or tried to run away from too late. Perhaps if only life had been easier, richer, better, or if only he could have turned back time and change a lot of things.
It was common knowledge that she’d never fall in love with him and she had told him as well, but that wouldn’t stop him from loving her. After all love didn’t need any receipt to be called love, did it?
He wasn’t a stalker. No. That wasn’t something that he’d bring himself to do. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t want to scare her away. He was plain happy just to see her every other day, silently watch her pass by, keeping his best friendly smile ready just in case she turned his way.
To him, she was perfect, the answer to his prayers, the bombshell of the place… She was a goddess. He had loved her on first sight. Even before her makeover in college which further increased her oomph. She was the epitome of the dream girl in his mind and he would do anything for her.
He wished that they’d at least be good friends but their normal conversations never went beyond a few words or sentences. They could have been better friends, but circumstances led to a misunderstanding and they reconciled only after over a year of status quo’ed silence. He could never fathom what she thought of him, but which idiot tried to read a girl’s mind?
He was certain she knew that he still loved her. He had told her so, every time they actually skipped past the uncertain formalities of greeting each other, and had a decent conversation… Those times were so few; he could count them out using the fingers of only one hand. She was special. She took his breath away by just walking by, didn’t she?
He knew her smell… Not the smell of her perfume… But her personal smell… Her pheromones, if you like. And he could guess it anywhere, whether mixed with her favorite perfume or not… He was ashamed to know such detail, but he attributed it to the fact that everybody knew it but never committed it to mind and nose. But he did. He loved her, didn’t he? There were times he realized this love was foolish, but one look at a photo, and he’d go back to square one.
Photos, photos, photos… He had lots of her snaps. Ones of her taken with friends, in a group, alone, but none with him because he could never get the courage to ask her to pose for one with him. He had them all. Ones he got of her when he shamelessly asked her best friend for negatives. Ones he got by scouring all the million digital photos of the many idiots who owned digicams in the class… Ones of her arm-in-arm with other guys and ex-boyfriends, etc. And a meager few with him too, in a group. None with him alone. He should have just shut off the embarrassment and asked for one, he chided himself. Maybe next time... If the chance ever came. He gazed down at the snap of her he always carried around… What was it about her that made him so crazy?
He loved her hair. He loved her lovely shaped head. He loved her perfectly proportioned, beautiful face. He loved her eyes which were like amber compared to his dull gray eyes. He loved her smile, he loved her tantrums, and he loved everything that she said or did even though he never agreed to quite a few things she did.
Why did he cringe and turn the other way each time as he watched her walk past with one boyfriend or the other? Was he jealous? He hated the way she frequently switched boyfriends, like she was the judge and winner of some unknown secret dating game held underground somewhere every year or so.
He hated her for breaking up with her last guy... But then, he smiled because she had actually made that guy work and sweat, something which the guy, who was inherently lazy, could not be made to do. She had had him on a leash, or rather, by his family jewels. He used to watch them closely when they used to go around. He knew when they were having a good time, a rough time, he knew everything. He knew that she treated the guy like an ATM machine, and the dude being a blinded fool just kept on giving. All good things do come to an end, so did that, because even bad things have to stop at some time or the other, right? He pitied the guy, but it was just desserts… He had been warned that she could be a leech if she tried, monetarily and emotionally. The dude still had a bad hangover, and perhaps would have one for a couple of years more. You see, she had done a complete job of messing his life about. She had that power. She was that beautiful. She was Cleopatra-like.
Not like he expected her to come running someday into his arms, he’d love for it to happen but he’d have to say no, like how she immediately did when he had asked her out. He knew that life wouldn’t be too happy for them together. They were different, like chalk and cheese… She loved money. A lot of money. And he didn’t have it. He couldn’t even pay off his bills on time; he sure as hell couldn’t take care of a princess like her. A princess… He didn’t know whether he meant it sarcastically or in actuality. What kind of love was this?
But somehow, when she entered the room, he immediately sat up straight, tucked his tummy in and stared at her, hoping that she’d notice him, hoping he’d catch her eye just once more, hoping she’d condescend to look at him and just smile. Ruefully he thought, if he was a dog, that’d be the equivalent of wagging his tail off. She had that effect on him. He loved and hated it at the same time. If love was a many splendored thing, this version really sucked big time.
He didn’t like this thing. This senseless yearning for something he didn’t want. So he made another never-able-to-keep-promise to himself to try and get over this vicious ending cycle. Then he remembered that this was the umpteenth time he had made one, and gritted his teeth in frustration.
Helplessly shrugging off his dilemma, he got up, brushed his coat and started walking home. Looking skyward, he sighed.
It was going to be a long night again.
He smiled a sad smile and let out a deep sigh while stretching out as hard as he could, hoping the effort would get rid of the heaviness in his heart. It was a futile effort.
He had loved her for close to five years to date. It was a hard fought five years, and he had had no luck in life professionally and in love, just scars of battles he could have avoided or tried to run away from too late. Perhaps if only life had been easier, richer, better, or if only he could have turned back time and change a lot of things.
It was common knowledge that she’d never fall in love with him and she had told him as well, but that wouldn’t stop him from loving her. After all love didn’t need any receipt to be called love, did it?
He wasn’t a stalker. No. That wasn’t something that he’d bring himself to do. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t want to scare her away. He was plain happy just to see her every other day, silently watch her pass by, keeping his best friendly smile ready just in case she turned his way.
To him, she was perfect, the answer to his prayers, the bombshell of the place… She was a goddess. He had loved her on first sight. Even before her makeover in college which further increased her oomph. She was the epitome of the dream girl in his mind and he would do anything for her.
He wished that they’d at least be good friends but their normal conversations never went beyond a few words or sentences. They could have been better friends, but circumstances led to a misunderstanding and they reconciled only after over a year of status quo’ed silence. He could never fathom what she thought of him, but which idiot tried to read a girl’s mind?
He was certain she knew that he still loved her. He had told her so, every time they actually skipped past the uncertain formalities of greeting each other, and had a decent conversation… Those times were so few; he could count them out using the fingers of only one hand. She was special. She took his breath away by just walking by, didn’t she?
He knew her smell… Not the smell of her perfume… But her personal smell… Her pheromones, if you like. And he could guess it anywhere, whether mixed with her favorite perfume or not… He was ashamed to know such detail, but he attributed it to the fact that everybody knew it but never committed it to mind and nose. But he did. He loved her, didn’t he? There were times he realized this love was foolish, but one look at a photo, and he’d go back to square one.
Photos, photos, photos… He had lots of her snaps. Ones of her taken with friends, in a group, alone, but none with him because he could never get the courage to ask her to pose for one with him. He had them all. Ones he got of her when he shamelessly asked her best friend for negatives. Ones he got by scouring all the million digital photos of the many idiots who owned digicams in the class… Ones of her arm-in-arm with other guys and ex-boyfriends, etc. And a meager few with him too, in a group. None with him alone. He should have just shut off the embarrassment and asked for one, he chided himself. Maybe next time... If the chance ever came. He gazed down at the snap of her he always carried around… What was it about her that made him so crazy?
He loved her hair. He loved her lovely shaped head. He loved her perfectly proportioned, beautiful face. He loved her eyes which were like amber compared to his dull gray eyes. He loved her smile, he loved her tantrums, and he loved everything that she said or did even though he never agreed to quite a few things she did.
Why did he cringe and turn the other way each time as he watched her walk past with one boyfriend or the other? Was he jealous? He hated the way she frequently switched boyfriends, like she was the judge and winner of some unknown secret dating game held underground somewhere every year or so.
He hated her for breaking up with her last guy... But then, he smiled because she had actually made that guy work and sweat, something which the guy, who was inherently lazy, could not be made to do. She had had him on a leash, or rather, by his family jewels. He used to watch them closely when they used to go around. He knew when they were having a good time, a rough time, he knew everything. He knew that she treated the guy like an ATM machine, and the dude being a blinded fool just kept on giving. All good things do come to an end, so did that, because even bad things have to stop at some time or the other, right? He pitied the guy, but it was just desserts… He had been warned that she could be a leech if she tried, monetarily and emotionally. The dude still had a bad hangover, and perhaps would have one for a couple of years more. You see, she had done a complete job of messing his life about. She had that power. She was that beautiful. She was Cleopatra-like.
Not like he expected her to come running someday into his arms, he’d love for it to happen but he’d have to say no, like how she immediately did when he had asked her out. He knew that life wouldn’t be too happy for them together. They were different, like chalk and cheese… She loved money. A lot of money. And he didn’t have it. He couldn’t even pay off his bills on time; he sure as hell couldn’t take care of a princess like her. A princess… He didn’t know whether he meant it sarcastically or in actuality. What kind of love was this?
But somehow, when she entered the room, he immediately sat up straight, tucked his tummy in and stared at her, hoping that she’d notice him, hoping he’d catch her eye just once more, hoping she’d condescend to look at him and just smile. Ruefully he thought, if he was a dog, that’d be the equivalent of wagging his tail off. She had that effect on him. He loved and hated it at the same time. If love was a many splendored thing, this version really sucked big time.
He didn’t like this thing. This senseless yearning for something he didn’t want. So he made another never-able-to-keep-promise to himself to try and get over this vicious ending cycle. Then he remembered that this was the umpteenth time he had made one, and gritted his teeth in frustration.
Helplessly shrugging off his dilemma, he got up, brushed his coat and started walking home. Looking skyward, he sighed.
It was going to be a long night again.
Labels: love, senseless, Short Story
Haven't we all been guilty of some senseless love at some timeless phase of our lives :)
@scout - totally agree.